2008

2008 you have given me heartbreak. The death of my brothers best friend, a brother to me, an amazing man. RIP Devin. The death of one of my best friends moms on the heels of his own death. Thank you Laurie for being a Mom to me and so many of your other "kids." The one year anniversary of T.C.s death. I dont know if I will ever feel like hes been gone as long as he has. Just yesterday we hugged and kissed and told each other "I love you." You will always be by my side and close to my heart.

2008 you have given me the greatest experience of my life. Motherhood. There are absolutely no words that do justice to the way I feel when I see my daughters face. Her laughter and smile are perfection, her very existence is perfection. And of course Evan, even though he is not new in 2008 this phase of our marriage is. He is an incredible father. Seeing him with Hartlee fills my heart so much I think it might burst. And he has become an even better husband than before.

2009 you have great potential. Weddings - Amy & Chris and Chandra & Shane its about freakin time you guys. Babies - hopefully one of my brothers or sisters in law, as long as it is not Lizzy! And of course more love and happiness for ALL of my family and friends.

Happy New Year!!

I Wonder Part 2

Im not sure why this bothers me so much. Maybe its because their are hundreds, maybe even thousands of people who could have better cared for baby Caylee, me being one of them. God only knows why she got the family she did. I think I was hoping that the remains they found wouldn't be hers and that she was still alive. Alive and happy with people who cared more about her then the family she was given. That unfortunately was not the case.

I found this on scaredmokeys.com there is a whole article but I felt that this was the most important part:
"In the end the little girl who had no father listed on her birth certificate; it was her Father who cared the most and her Father who brought her home for Christmas."

Christmas Photo Sesh

Last Friday we went and had family Christmas pictures done here are a few of my favs:








The photographers name is Nicole Hahn, she is absolutely wonderful. Check out her website if you have a chance nicolehahnphotography.com.

These pictures we obviously took at home. Hartlee will hate us one day.

I Wonder

What the hell is wrong with people? I write this with a specific person in mind. Casey Anthony.

This morning while watching the news they reported that the skeletal remains of a small child were found about a half mile from Caylee's Grandparents house. How could a mother kill her own child? I know that Casey Anthony is guilty until proven innocent, but really? Her baby goes missing in June and she doesn't report her gone till July? A month. You wait a whole month to say something and then you want people to believe that you had nothing to do with it.

I just don't get it. Casey Anthony had a choice. She chose to get pregnant. She chose to keep her baby. With these choices comes responsibility. The minute you decide to keep your child you are making a commitment to protect, love and nurture them for as long as you live. So what one day she just gets tired of it and decides to stuff her baby in the trunk? Is she going to claim insanity? I don't believe for one second that she's insane. What she suffers from is selfishness.

Evan always tells me that he wishes he could be a vigilante, cause there are a lot pf people he would like to kill. Today I wish I could be one too.

Slightly Grinchy

So I know that Thanksgiving is the kick off to Christmas, but is it really necessary for every store to play non stop Christmas music? I think that a song here or there would get the point across. Do they think that the more christmasy the music the more holiday spirit their shoppers will have? Or is it a plot to drive me, and I'm hoping others, slowly insane? Im usually not a big Christmas fan but this year im actually pretty excited, its Hartlees first Christmas, I have a bunch of friends coming home and all of Evans family will be here too. But if I hear Jingle Bells one more time Im going to lose my mind.

Bewitching

So lately Hartlee's sleeping habits are not that great. She went from sleeping 8-10 hours straight to sleeping about 6 waking up to eat, going back to sleep for 3, waking up again eating a few more ounces and then falling back to sleep for about an hour. Not my ideal situation but what am I going to do? No mater what time she wakes up the minute she sees me or Evan she grins. Not just a little "nice to see you," grin, but a big "haha the jokes on you its 3 am and you are catering to my every need," type of grin. I try my hardest not to smile back at her. First, I dont want her to think she has ALL the power. Second, if I smile back then she smiles again, then I smile again, next thing I know im playing and talking to her completely forgeting the inapproriate time and then both of us are wide awake.

But how do I not smile at the cutest thing I have ever seen?

Happy 4 Month Birthday To My Baby

So the title pretty much says it all. I cant believe shes 4 months old today. Some days it feels like we just got home from the hospital and others it feels like shes been here forever. Either way its bitter-sweet.
Happy Birthday Hartlee Bug!! I love you

Things I Know For Sure

I love my husband. I mean I really love him. It scares me to think of where I would be if he had never come into my life. This is cheesy, but he saved me.

He loves me just as much.

I love Hartlee. When she looks at me and smiles I want to cry even if its 3:30 in the morning. It breaks my heart in so many ways.

I love my uncreated children.

I know now that my Mom was right about some things. Some not all.

I am insanely happy.

I have wonderful friends. They might laugh when I fall down, but they always help me up.

I miss T.C. everyday. His death has brought so many people together. I have an amazing extended family that I never would have had if he was here. Thank you T.

Beer is awesome.

So is chocolate.

God is real. He doesn't always give you what you want, but he knows what he's doing.

Money will never be as important as the relationships I have with people.

Karma can be a pain is the ass. Or it can be your best friend.

I say I love you, and act accordingly.

The Shoes Make the Outfit, Wait I Mean Diaper

Santa Cruz

This last weekend Evan, Hartlee and I went up to Santa Cruz to visit with Evan's sister, brother in law and their kids. I was a little nervous about driving 5-6 hours with Hartlee since she's not a big fan of her car seat but she was perfect. She slept most of the drive there and back. I couldn't ask for a better baby.

Favorite parts of our trip:
1. Jenn, Justin, Declan, and baby princess (this is how Greer refers to herself.)
2. Evan telling Declan lame in Spanish is el lamo.
3. Greer crying at the dinner table cause meat hates her.
4. The fudge.
5. Declan punching Justin in the face while they were wrestling.
6. Greer's attempt at Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
7. Declan singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to Hartlee, soo cute.
8. Finding a Nutrageous candy bar at the Shell Station in Pismo, I cant find them in Simi.

I love Evan's family and I love Santa Cruz.

Hartlee

Daddy and Hartlee

The Kids

Greer and Hartlee

Declan and Hartlee

Water Works

Why is it that since giving birth all I do is cry? I know its karma for making fun of my mom all those years she cried at hallmark commercials, but its really ridiculous.

Baby Eliot

So Tuesday I was watching Oprah at work, yes I know I work hard, she was doing a show on miracle children. There was a story about a baby boy with Trisomy 18. I missed part of the segment because I had to get one of the kids something and only caught the end of it. When I got home after work I looked it up on Oprah.com. The segment was a video that Eliot's father Matt had created after his son had passed. I watched the video. I cried. I cried because someones child had died. I cried for fear of having to bury my own child. I cried because Matt and Ginny never took Eliot for granted. They never questioned God.

I think sometimes life gets in the way of whats really important. And we expect things to always be what we think they should be. God has other plans.

Anyways heres the link. Make sure you have Kleenex handy.
The video is called 99 balloons here is the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th6Njr-qkq0

My First Blog

So Ive decided to start blogging. There are a few reasons:
1. It distracts me from the things that I should be doing like cleaning, or getting dinner ready ahead of time.
2. For most of the day it will be the only form of adult communication I get.
3. I think I have interesting things to say. (Evan probably disagrees with this.)