Presentation Is Everything

The other night I went to an adult toy party at my friend Sara's. The lady who supplies the goods was interesting, to say the least. She was an extremely heavy set woman with extremely short butch hair. Her partner who was there with her was no better looking. Ok fine so shes a lesbian, so shes not an attractive person, so her partner is no better than she is, cool. To each their own.

Heres my problem, when talking about the goods that she was selling she kept saying that she makes sure to test them all, that way she's able to tell her buyers if they are good or not. EEERRRR. That's the sound of my brain trying its very hardest to not go to that place, that place where I get the visual, the visual that honestly could make me vomit, that place where I so do not want to be. Think happy thoughts. But I cant think happy thoughts because this lesbian keeps insisting how this product and that product are amazing. I compare this to being served food from the most stinky, sweaty, greasy person EVER. How do you then eat your meal without constantly thinking about who just brough it to you? Ugh.

So what did I do? I turned to my friends Coors Light and Jell-O shot. Thank you friends for being there when I definitely needed you.

Momism #2

I think that low lying/crawling/walking children should have collars with jingly balls around their neck's. That way when they sneak up behind you, you wont step on them. Sorry Hartlee, you'll be able to function without fingers right?

Also I would like to ask, why is the only time any child is quiet is when they are up to no good or in danger?

Victor

My friend Victor passed away this morning. It makes me sad to lose another person that I care for and have so many wonderful memories with. I feel like the world should stop so I can catch my breath, but it doesnt, it just seems to spin faster.

Sundays

I love Sundays. I love that Evan doesn't work. I love that all the little things that need to get done around the house always seem to get accomplished on Sundays. I love that Hartlee doesn't have basketball, tae kwon do, t-ball, dance, or any other activity to be at. I love that she has no friends, so there are no play dates or birthday parties to attend. Its just me, Evan and Hartlee for one full day with nothing to do but be a family.

Momism #1

Always be careful when picking the big green booger from your child's nose. Child might turn his/her head in exactly the right direction and booger could wind up in child's mouth becoming a snack.

I was not about to go in her mouth for what was now a big green wet mushy booger, protected by two incredibly sharp baby teeth. Sorry Hartlee.

Thoughts Of Evan

The other night Evan was watching the Wonder Pets with Hartlee. For those of you who dont know what the Wonder Pets are, Mark, they are class pets that "save the day" when other animals, real or make believe, are in trouble. There is Linny the Guinea Pig, Turtle Tuck, and Ming-Ming Duckling.

Anyways, I was in the other room when I hear Evan, "Man Ming-Ming's a fuckin dick." This was then again confirmed a few days later when he replied, "arrogant fucking duck," after Ming-Ming tried to save the day by him/herself but then needed the help of Tuck, and Linny. Apparently my husband believes that an animated duck with a lisp meant to entertain children does not meet his animated duck with a lisp standards. Poor Ming-Ming.

Shake Your Money Maker

I have decided that the new rule at work is that the kids must dance if they want something. Its pretty awesome when a 19 month old does what looks like the twist just for some goldfish.